No More Guilt, You Are The Perfect Parent…

Something’s been troubling me lately, actually it’s been playing on my mind for a while but have never thought to write it down, until now…

I’m constantly surrounded by amazing mums, these mums laugh with their children, play with them, feed them, keep them warm and love them unconditionally but given the opportunity most of these women beat themselves up for not being good enough.

I was out last night at a Mother’s Meeting event with H&M and the conversation (as it inevitably does, when mothers get together) came down to our kids and parenthood. Again and again, I heard these amazing women say things like “I work too much”, “I get too frustrated”, “I’m always on my phone”, “I feel guilty for…”

If I’m being honest, I have some of these worries too. I often lie in bed wondering why I got so angry with the girls or why I didn’t make more of an effort to read with them, that ONE night. But maybe we‘re all asking the wrong questions and focusing on the wrong things. What if we asked ourselves “Do my children feel safe and loved?” or “Are my children happy?”.

The answers to these questions are always YES, which is all that really matters. After all, who cares if we had chips and chicken nuggets for supper? They ate it all up and loved it. So I didn’t read with them tonight, I’ll do it tomorrow night and the night after and the night after that. Is it bad that Lili and Poppy watch TV every morning while I lie in bed for an extra half hour? Well, I did the same as a child and I turned out just fine.

The main thing for me is that my girls look back on their childhood and remember that we had fun and that they were loved. I want them to remember our crazy kitchen discos and silly family pile-ups, singing way too loud in the car and massive group hugs.

I think we all feel the pressure to be a ‘perfect parent’ but who is the ‘perfect parent’? Nobody, because it’s a myth, a fairy-tale, a figment of our Instagram-fuelled imagination.

So let me ask you… Are you a good mother? Don’t measure yourself against an unrealistic perfect persona that doesn’t exist. If you’re still reading this post, I can tell you that you almost certainly are! I know this because you love your children, because you do whatever it takes to keep them safe, and because when they fall and hurt themselves or feel sick it’s you they want. Nothing makes them feel better than a hug from you.

At the end of the day, the perfect parent for your child is YOU because nobody will love them like you do.

 

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6 Comments

  1. October 18, 2017 / 1:38 pm

    I have never got to the bottom of why we all drag guilt around constantly throughout motherhood. Mine goes in peaks and troughs, peaking during times when I’m just not feeling confident about myself generally. As you say, we really need to rise above it because otherwise what are we telling our children? That perfection is the only thing good enough? xx

  2. October 19, 2017 / 12:30 pm

    I love this hunny, no true words have ever been spoken and yet as parents we all compare, put ourselves down, question, worry and ask ourselves all the wrong questions. I am guilty of it a lot but I am trying more and more to just be the best I can and know that this is all my kids need or want is my love and safety. What a beautifully written post. #wrc

  3. October 22, 2017 / 2:46 pm

    Oh I love this post Heledd its so lovely and so true, I feel exactly the same I just want the boys to grow up feeling like they were loved and laughed a lot, they will also say we never have any food when I spend a small fortune on shopping every week. My friends laugh as the fridge and cupboards are packed and yet thats all the boys ever say x

  4. October 23, 2017 / 12:44 pm

    Great post Heledd, I think we all need to take a step back and get some perspective sometimes. When it comes down to it if you’re worrying about being a bad mum then chances are you probably aren’t one 😉

  5. October 23, 2017 / 2:23 pm

    So very true! The same applies to every aspect of life. We’re all so very hard on ourselves and our own worst critics xx

  6. October 24, 2017 / 7:07 am

    What a blooming lovely post Heledd and I agree with all that you have written. I love your words and how you describe your littles. You are right in most cases we are the perfect parent for our children. Sadly my parents weren’t for me and I work hard every day to make sure that I am not them. Beautiful photo’s Heledd x

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